Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?

"We can't just press a button and produce our desired set of emotions for the day. But we do know that how we feel is closely entwined with the state of our body, thought we spend time with and our actions. Those other parts of our experience are the ones that we can influence and change."

Back in early 2025, I was suggested Atomic Habits by James Clear, of which I only wound up reading starting from May 2025. This one, however, was a willing purchase from myself. However, it was not the first or only book I owned from Dr. Julie Smith - I first bought Open When... earlier on with the idea that I could probably read it as and when I felt like I needed its advise, something I thought the book was meant to be. Even if it is true, it really was not a good motivator to pick it up... because I haven't for a long time now. For this book, however, I mentioned in my previous review that the urge to read this came naturally as I felt quite lost when it came to my identity. The problem was more multi-leveled, actually - I've been mentally broken for years now, and I don't think I have quite recovered from it yet. Forming and strengthening habits can help with maintaining one's identity, but this shouldn't be done simply to mold one's self into an identity imposed by others.

The period I spent reading this book comprised of some of the most stressful recent months I have experienced. I spent a huge portion of that period being busy with work among many things - I was part of the largest teaching team I have ever been for one course, and doing my best with another course of which I was not as proficient in. At one point, I kept leaping back to Chapter 8 of the book (specifically that chapter, I did this umpteen times) simply due to how much context I had lost in between sparse reading sessions. I've been in therapy for about three and a half years now across my time in three different universities, but regardless... reading this book felt like a regular journey with Dr. Julie as my therapist, and I sorely regret not keeping the habit of writing stuff down as I progressed through this book. It'd be much clearer in my head had I done so earlier (I'm starting that again with my current book to the best of my ability), but for now, here are my thoughts-

As I read through this book, a lot of the contents rang true to bits and pieces of advice I received from my therapists, and in some way validates their approaches. Unlike many authors of various self-help resources, I think Dr. Julie is in a unique position as a licensed psychologist from the UK - I believe a lot of the book's contents really stemmed from someone who has spent lots of time with patients. It wasn't as anecdotal as James Clear's book from before, but it felt like a digestable survey research paper compilation.. the reason why I say this is how I recognized APA citations sprinkled alongside certain pieces of information in the book (it's funny how that was one of my first impressions from this book already). More importantly, this means that a lot of what she had to say weren't simply results from merely epiphany moments, but they are rooted in evidence-based psychological research, proving legitimacy in some way. I guess this isn't really a guarantee all the time (you can have a piece of literary work littered with various citations but comprise of nothing but gobbledygook), but I think it really is so having finished it.

The book touches on several aspects, some of which include dealing with grief, self-doubt, fear, stress, among many. Each of these aspects comprise of a couple of chapters, some of which upon explaining what to do when faced with some problems, there are follow-up exercises or action plans to help. If you have attended a therapy session by a legitimate psychologist before, you may recall haivng to partake in some exercises - be it in a role-play to simulate the environment but at a safe pace, or a worksheet to clarify stuff about you. This book has all of that combined, only without a second human provided for you already (you may want to source that one out yourself 😂). Think of it as a toolkit that you can use to brave through life's storms - in a sense, if you do not have easy or even any access to psychological aid (which isn't ideal to begin with), this can help. That being said, like with going to therapy, you do not go into this book merely wanting to eradicate your problems - sometimes the solution is to learn to be at ease with said problem, acknowledge it, and move on.

While I read through this book with no intention on completing the exercises the first time round, it did give me insights on how other problems faced by others and not myself are like. Currently, as an educator, this can be very helpful especially when approached by students who may be among these people. Then again, I'm not really a guru when it comes to psychological advice (nor am I qualified to be vented on about one's problems).. but I do hope that this steers me into becoming a better teacher and mentor to those who need it most. Personally, I enjoyed the last aspect touched on by the book - the one on a meaningful life. It isn't straight up just "ikigai" or the like, but if I had to counsel anyone on the same, I would take a similar approach.

This book answered a lot for me, yet I feel like a one-time read only gave me so much with much more left in store, perhaps at a later stage in life. I will be revisiting this book someday to properly retain some life advice I will need to navigate through repairing myself. Hopefully by then, I won't be as worse off.. but if I will, I'm sure this piece of literature can help.